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| by Roger T. Pipe |
June 1, 1999
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| Greetings loyal readers. Thank you so much for taking the time to exit the line for Phantom Menace to read my little column this month. Being the pop culture addicted Gen-Xer we all know I am. You know I have already been to see Episode One (Twice in fact) and I will pepper a few observations throughout for you.
I got some nice information via email about a young cutie I reviewed in Gang Bang Girl 24, Layla Jade. The eighteen year old Brit made her porn debut on her 18th birthday with Ben Dover. (Taking it in the ass to mark the special occasion.) At only 5 foot 4 inches, she has amazing 34D breasts that are all real.
What's more impressive is that she has no tattoos and only ear and belly piercing. (Please stay that way.) Though she has been in a couple of Anabolic features, look for much more of Layla later this year, as she should hit the US porn market big time on her next visit to the States. At that time, I am going to pull every string to sit down with her for an in depth (and of course, topless) interview with this incredible little hottie.
OK, so Phantom Menace is supposed to take place at least a generation before Star Wars. How come technology seems to work backwards in the Lucas universe? Exhibit A- In PM, we have a fully automated droid army. By episode 4, the droids are gone and bumbling storm troopers have taken their place.
With more blowjob tapes that you can shake a spurting dick at, it would be hard to imagine needing any more. However, porn stud Brandon Irons have found a way to take things in a fresh direction. "Brandon Iron's Blowjob Tour of Los Angeles" will feature women going down at or near famous SoCal landmarks. Melody Love, Harley Rain, Shasta, Emilia and even Miss Sharon Mitchell have lent their oral skills to the project.
Some of the locations highlighted in volume one include the World Model Talent Agency, the Hollywood sign and the parking lot of a famous amusement park. (I heard AVN actually refused to allow Brandon to shoot in their parking lot. Wouldn't want that mag associated with porn now would we?) The tape is due out sometime this summer, and you know I'll be reviewing it right away.
So, young Anikan Skywalker hops into the cockpit of a fighter and accidentally saves the day. I can accept that, he's the Chosen One and all, but he's eight. And how could that helmet fit his dome?
I got my first look at Shane's new contract girl, Sky earlier this month. The blonde cutie stars in Shane's World 17 and is every bit as hot as Shane herself on camera. The only question is, can Shane use her directorial skills to focus the little blonde slutlet's energies and make her a full fledged fucking superstar? My money is on yes, but it will certainly be a fun ride to watch.
All right, Anikan is supposed to be the product of a virgin birth. Who the hell is Uncle Owen from episode 4? Did his mother later start tramping around and give Anikan a brother?
Some nice news to report this month, exotic beauty Tabitha is back in front of the camera. Look for her films on store shelves near you.
Back to Uncle Owen. Since Vader was supposed to know and sense all, wouldn't he know he had a brother back on Tatooine? And if so, wouldn't he have gone there?
Jim Gunn has been a very busy guy of late. He has revived his successful 'Strap-On Sally' series and has begun another all-girl series as well.
What about those blasters? They kill humans, blast through rock and metal, right? So tell me, just before the Queen and her troops made their move on the throne room, why did it take a half dozen blasts to break a freaking window?
Shane Tyler is apparently going to hand up her garters and fuck-me pumps at the end of the year. Though she has done just over forty videos in her four year career, "Little Miss Dangerous" is one of the most popular stars in all the biz. Let's hope she graces us with a few more performances before actually calling it quits.
Since Luke needed C3PO to translate what R2D2 was saying in Star Wars, how come everyone now seems to be able to understand him?
An interesting story from the set of the latest Jim Holiday film. A few days after shooting 'Gang Bang Angels 4' for Elegant (and without condoms) Chennin Blanc was kicked off the set. Reports indicate that a handful of the performers refused to work with Chennin. Oddly enough, at least two of the protesting performers work almost exclusively without rubbers.
Anyone else wonder what happens to C3PO's memory? I mean, Anikan builds him, and somehow, a generation later, he is unable to recognize Vader?
I know I promised you Marilyn Chambers and Ginger Lynn interviews this month, but alas, we must wait a while.
Marilyn has been feeling a bit under the weather and will be speaking with me early next month. With any luck, Ginger won't be far behind. For now, the Linda Thoren interview will have to suffice.
Was anyone actually shocked by Queen Amidala's big revelation? Come on.
I hear Lois Ayres may be coming out of retirement. The blonde star has always been an explosive performer and this should be an interesting comeback indeed.
Who exactly is responsible for Ewan McGregor's hair? Who exactly was responsible for Ilam Neesen's hair?
The star of Asianatrix 2 from Extreme Associates, apparently has some mainstream ties. Asian cute Sami Moon is rumored to have had a part on Saved by the Bell. The story mentioned something about her winning a contest, but details are sketchy.
I tried to talk to Sami about this, but she has thus far been less than excited about talking about it. I'll keep trying. After all, Saved by the Bell was one of those shows I just had to watch.)
And at what point do you think George Lucas looked at Jake Lloyd's dailies and said "What the hell was I thinking?"
Serenity ran into some serious web trouble this month, causing her web site to be down for nearly a week. Funny, the ex-host of the blonde one's site is the same host I had when my site was bogged down for a month.
If the Gungans are an underwater species, what the hell are they doing wearing leather vests?
I got to spend an afternoon with Samantha Stylle this month when she came into town to do a signing at the LA Sci-Fi/Comic book show. She is taking a break from performing in vids. Instead, she is focusing on getting her web site up and rolling. Additionally, Sammy is working on videos of her own, something she started back when she was just eighteen. (I've seen one of these vids and they are fucking killer.)
What kind of an idiot do you have to be to launch and attack with an army that can be defeated by basically pulling the plug on them?
Did anyone catch the Neve Campbell lesbian story line on 'Party of Five'? When you couple that with the make out session with Denise Richards in 'Wild Things' it kind of makes you wonder about that rumored home sex tape with an un-named stud and a former porn starlet, doesn't it?
Anyone else wondering how long it will be before Japanese activists start protesting the obvious racism in Phantom Menace? (Making the Trade Federation baddies Japanese? Come on George.)
Hey, Amy Fisher is out of jail. Anyone else think we should grab Tonya Harding and get these two bad girls into porn?
Amy's still pretty cute and after a few years in the slam, she could use the money and the nasty. As a side note, Joey Buttafuco made an appearance this week on Howard Stern to express his displeasure with Amy's release. I can't be the only one who recognizes that Joey is a disgrace to the human race. This guy should be an un-read footnote on the shit heap of American sub-culture, not some sort of pop celeb. He banged a sixteen year old and nearly got his wife wasted over it. Do us all a favor Joey, go the hell away you massive waste of DNA.
Anyone else find Jake Lloyd's budding romance with Natalie Portman about as believable as the innocent, American version of 'Leon'?
Someone has been running around IRC chat rooms pretending to be Tom Byron. Apparently this impostor was pretty convincing and had at least one industry insider fooled. The fake Tom said he had left Extreme, but so far, no confirmation on that one.
When did Lucas decide that he had to include annoying Muppets to every movie?
Private back on DVD this month with the release of 'Tatiana.' Sure to set the porn DVD market on fire, this will hopefully be the beginning of a flood of Private titles on this improved format.
What's up with the KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut commercials? Since when do Pizza Hut delivery girls wear belly shirts and look like hoochie co-eds?
Alyssa Haven, the incredibly cute eighteen year old I shot last year is close to dipping her feet further into the porn pond. With a number of fetish vids to her credit, a hard-core scene may be on the way as well. To date, her only boy/girl pairing, from Cherries 2 (Xplor Media) has been getting rave reviews. (No, not from me.)
Stay tuned next month for the second annual Rog Power rankings, listing my top twenty active porn stars. Email me your nominations so I don't leave anyone out.
After all these little snipes, I almost forgot to add how much I enjoyed the film. The final saber battle is nothing short of awesome.
Don't worry gang, I won't leave you with any 'Force' references. Instead I'll just tell you all to avoid the lines at the mall by staying home and watching some porn. In other words, shave the Wookie, activate the Death Star and fire off a few proton torpedoes.
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