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| by Roger T. Pipe |
December 1, 2000
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| I started off last month's Pipeline saying that by the time most of you read the column, we would have selected a new President. Ha, the joke's on me this time. We're ready for a new Pipeline and still have not announced the winner of last month's election. Sure, I've got a boatload of thoughts on the election, the ongoing legal challenges and the circus, but I'm going to try and keep the focus on the porn today. We've got a lot to cover and I have my own little Holiday Wish List I want to share with you all.
Dear Santa, I've been such a good porn critic this year, I want to ask you to bring my friends in the porn world some special gifts.
For Serenity- The top billing and little statues that are years overdue.
Before we get to the porn, I want to take a quick minute to wish a happy nineteenth birthday to the future Mrs. Pipe. Big Happy Birthday wishes to the one and only Miss Britney Spears. I can see the tabloid headlines now. "Roger SPEARS Britney with his PIPE. True love reins supreme." Hey, wishful thinking maybe, but it is the month of miracles.
For Patrick Collins- A long, drawn out war between dueling Buttwomen Tiffany Mynx and Charlene Aspen. May they fight it out through at least four more movies.
A few months after shooing finished, Sin City is now editing Alex Ladd's "Behind the Counter." It's a pretty simple story about a guy, played by Tyce Bune, who works in a video store. The script came from my actual experiences working behind the counter at a video store and believe it or not, it's all basically a true story. I'm not sure how Tyce feels about playing a young Rog, but I promise you, he had more fun than I did. The movie should be out soon and stars Gwen Summers, Kamiko, Jade Marcela and Samantha Stylle.
For the people at Digital Playground- Another top shelf contract girl to bookend Tera Patrick and match their hard working, incredible PR department.
The ever changing roster of Sin City contract girls got a name shorter this month when it was announced that Zoe would not be back for another year. The award winning Amazonian blonde is still in the business, shooting movies around her busy dance schedule. I had a brief conversation with her and she told me that she would like to find another contract, but is in no hurry to ink a deal. A full interview will be coming up soon.
For Alanna Evans and Layla Jade. The recognition and stardom they both so richly deserve.
As one contract girl leaves, two more take hers place at Sin City. Eva Vincent, the artist formerly known as Jewel Valmont, has inked a contract for SC. Eva is locked in for at least a year and already has the starring role in Michael Raven's upcoming movie "Beast." Joining Vincent in the SC stable is super cute Asian doll Kamiko. I've seen this girl a few movies and she's not to be missed. Trust me on that one.
For Haven- The chance to shine like I've always said she would.
Jill Kelly Productions is on the fast track to becoming a major player in the porn world. With Jill and Julian already at the center of the company, they keep adding talent to the pool.
I wrote about the signing of super cute blonde Haven last month. Now we've got a big ad in AVN featuring Jill, Julian, Haven, Tabitha Stevens and Silvia Saint. Just this week, they announced a deal with Bridgette Kerkove. (A non exclusive contract for porn's busiest beaver.) Not only are they adding names to the roster, but the productions have gotten bigger as well.
Jill's Perfect Pink gonzo movies have been joined by features, including "Beautiful" which will be Haven's big breakout role. Now, if I could just get someone over there to send me some press stuff so I don't have to read about it in AVN or hear it from little birdies.
For Dave Cummings- A never ending supply of willing women to star in his Sugar Daddy movies.
For Rob Black- A Mayoral campaign that is more Jesse Ventura than Pat Buchanan.
On the lighter side of porn news sites, the Rog Reviews Awards are well underway. From a field of 64, we are down to 8 in each of the 5 categories. By the time you read another Pipeline, the winners will have been announced. Please vote for your favorites.
For Cherry Mirage- More coverage for her Under the Cherry Tree line and a boy/girl series that finally shows off her talents.
One of the very hot porn feuds going right now is between Alisha Klass and Seymore Butts.
The couple is not only splitsville personally, but professionally as well. During an interview this month, Lish dished some serious dirt on her former man. This set off a war of words, right as she left town. Look for a full interview with both Seymore an Lish after CES, but I got a quick response from McKayla Matthews. With her permission, I will include it here.
Hey Roger! Thank you so much for the nomination. I really appreciate it. So, you want to know how I feel about the Alisha and Seymore thing. In my opinion, Alisha Klass is acting quite classless. I'm not saying that what she says is not true, but I feel it's not right to go around trashing Seymore the way she is. In a situation like this, it is her word against his and no one will ever know how much of it is true or not.
At this point Seymore is coming out to be the bad guy. She should just move on and stop running her mouth. The way I feel has nothing to do with the way I feel about Alisha personally, it has to do with her hurting someone I care about. Not only on a personal level, but a professional level. Fans nevermind business associates, don't want to hear these things negative about Seymore nor should they have to. This can hurt him professionally as well as emotionally.
She has nothing to lose because she's done with porn or so she says for now. At this point, she's only trying to hurt Seymore as much as possible. She's obviously still hurt by him and this is her trashy way of getting back at him. Real classy, don't you think? Alisha responded to my letter to Gene and said that I should be grateful to her because she introduced me to Seymore and I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for her.
I am grateful and the time I spent privately with Alisha was pretty good, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with what she is doing. I am grateful to everyone in and out of our business who has ever helped me and anyone who knows me can tell you the same. I just hope this whole thing is done and we can all move on. I hate to have to worry about the little things like this. I need to concentrate on making great assfucking scenes and being the best pornstar I can be!
So, I hope that answered your question as to how I feel about this whole thing. Now, we can concentrate on me!! And thank you again for the best newby nomination. You are so kind to me. I hope to see you in Vegas again this year. I hope you're doing well and be sure to write me again soon.
Love your Anal Princess -
McKayla Matthews
Don't expect this thing to end any time soon either.
For McKayla Matthews- A breakout year and the chance to finally really be Rog's Anal Princess.
Digital Playground's contract Mega-Babe Tera Patrick is one busy lady.
In addition to handing her duties as DP's Contract Girl, Tera is doing a live web cast twice a month, interviewing some very hot women from the world of porn. She has already brought us Danni Ashe, Shane, Alisha Klass, Jill Kelly and Sean Michaels. Who knows who's next. She's also the overwhelming favorite to walk home with a whole bunch of little gold statues.
For Seymore Butts- An amicable, legal free year and another girl like Alisha or McKayla.
For Tom Byron- A bevy of hot anal sluts to fill his movies with asses he can fill with hard dick.
As the year ends, the porn world prepares for the annual CES (Consumer Electronics Show) in Las Vegas next month. As always, I will be on hand to report on the comings and goings. Expect a lot of news in next month's Pipeline as well as a full CES article complete with pictures.
For VCA- Contract Stars to take the place of the ones lost in the last year, or the comebacks of Traci Lords and Zara Whites.
One of the events I'll be covering at the CES Show will be the AVN Awards Show.
At this time, the official nominations are still not out, though most people I talk to seem to think that Tera Patrick is a shoe-in as Best New Starlet. The coveted Female Performer award is up in the air. Bridgette Kerkove is said to be lobbying hard for the award, making her one of the favorites. She certainly worked hard for it. According to another web site, (Bridgette and her husband don't seem to like me very much.) she just finished her 203rd scene of the year. That's a lot of fucking.
For Vivid- A team of Contract Girls who stick around long enough for me interview them.
Kendra Jade is back, performing in movies and making appearances on the Howard Stern show. Her ass was the prize in a recent game of celebrity butt billionaire. Some lucky guy got to sit by while Jason Alexander answered a few questions, eventually winning him the grand prize, a shot at Kendra's ass.
Speaking of Kendra's ass, she had it on full display in Thomas Zupko's "Ass Clowns." In the climactic scene of the movie, Kendra is sodomized by a couple of guys as a priest reads from the Bible to her. They cover her in live earth worms then shove pages of the Good Book into her anal cavity. I wonder which was worse, the treatment in that movie, or having to give up her butt to a Stern fan?
For my friends in PST- A dozen or so porn stars to light up the channel and another year as the place for porn fans to meet.
Though best known for DVDs like the Virtual Sex series, Digital Playground has released their newest movie on both DVD and VHS.
"All Star" is a high end production starring Rocki Roads (featuring her first anal) Bonita Saint and Rebecca Lord. The video version of the movie has the same super high picture and sound quality the DVD fans have come to expect from Digital Playground.
To Alexx Ladd- A pile of scripts and the budget to shoot the really good ones.
Our final story fits in perfectly with the holiday spirit. You see dear readers, Santa Claus doesn't always come in the form of a big fat dude in a red suit. If you're a porn director, it can be Christmas every day.
Those of you who have seen S.M.U.T. #17 from Robert Madison may have noticed a final POV sex scene between Sky and the unseen cameraman. Sky had been the masturbating hostess of the vignette video and was only supposed to be fucking herself. You would never believe me if I told you the story, so I'm going to leave it up to Robert.
Hey Rog,
Sorry for the shaky camera work at the end. I never intended to use any of that. So I hired Sky for a masturbation scene, anyway, I figured that it would take 2 hours tops taking our time, to do all the different places to masturbate and lighting, etc. But we hit it off really well and it turned into an 9 hour day.
We were just hanging out and having fun. So near the end of the shooting she requested a little fluffing. So who am I to deny? Anyway, we were done shooting and well, uh, you know - And she said "aren't you going to film this?" And I said, uuuhhh. So Sky said "what? haven't you ever done a 'scene' before?" And I was like. "uhhhh no"
So Sky said, "Why don't you go put another tape in and if you want to use it, use it - but if you don't, just keep it for your personal collection." So I thought that was a brilliant idea! I ran out to the living room and ripped open a new tape and popped it in. (no pun intended) So anyway, I never planned to use it but later I thought it would be a crime to deny the fans such real events! Sky was a sweetheart. We had a lot of fun.
-Robert
You know, sometimes dreams really do come true.
For Robert Madison- …fuck, what more could he want?
Now, before I end this with a little holiday music, some final wishes.
For Roger T. Pipe- Linda Thoren, Jessica Darlin, Serenity, Layla Jade, Cherry Mirage, Samantha Stylle, Tiffany Mynx, Leanni Lei, Tera Patrick, Cheyanne and Monique DeMoan, doing cheerleader routines for the entire year. Oh yeah, and Britney Spears if you have room for her in her bag.
For Mrs. Rog- The patience to put up with all the shit you put up with and not choke the life out of me.
For the wonderful readers of my site (and column)- A happy, prosperous year with lots of spare cash to spend on your favorite porn movies at Excalibur Films. (And a continuing blind sport for questionable grammar, creative spelling and occasionally strong opinions.)
Now, before we all get misty, I present…(Final verse only.)
"The 12 Days of Porn-mas"
(Sung to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas.)
On the twelfth day of Porn-mas, the porn world gave to me,
12 Gaping Assholes
11 Bottles of Viagra
10 Broken Condoms
09 Former Prom Queens
08 Trips to Stern
07 Sticky Facials
06 Double Anals
05 Brand New Boobjobs
04 Gallons of Lube
03 DNA Tests
02 Decent Features
01 A Fluffer for Everyone
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